back at the camp...i was telling myself :"ok relac...as long as i pass gp and get okok results tt allows me to enter uni i can just shut up"...i always thought i had tt mindset...only until i had the result slip in front of my eyes...AAB...
imagine if the chem is A...at least it will look nicer...H2 all being As? also my rank points wont be so pathetic? jumped from 70 odd to 80...also...it makes me feel like some idiot...duno hw to put it in words...but...it sucks...
i wondered what went wrong for my chem...even though its just 1 or 2 days preparation...i was quite sure its enough...i was confident...or maybe...its just retribution for being such a bastard...
bad luck just tramples over me as though i were just a small ant...easily crushed...2009 sucks...i seriously hope that i can just start life w/o anymore of the bad luck...but army life exclaims otherwise...
the platoon sgt just treat us as dogs..
my section was rushing to get food...i volunteered to help them...so i decided to run and wear the rifle sling and the helmet at the same time...halfway...platoon sgt just yell at me at the top of his voice...knocked me down 20....complaining tt i ddint hold my rifle properly...i was just trying to hold it properly after i wear helmet...after i recover from knocked down position i rushed again...as i was about to hold my rifle properly...he took his chance and scolded me for nt holding it just before i can even grab the rifle properly...fine...i got punished...
then when we were sitted and needed to be rushed to another place...i sat down and carefully buckled my helmet befor ei stand up to hold my rifle properly...then the sgt major just ask us to do it while running in a rude manner i think...so by doing so...arent we holding the rifle properly? why do these commanders contradict themselves???
they always rush us...'FASTER FASTER..." tts all they scream...when we run we trip we fall we injure ourselves...they said :"why you all run? just double! why you all so careless"
if they cant find anything abt us to scold...i duno why they find minor minor minor stuffs and yell at ur face when they werent even worth mentioning about...i really hate army life..
during soc...some bus fetching parents of new enlistees roamed by...its a night safari bus...my fren was like :"hey! why is there a zoo bus" i replied:" its correct? isnt it? they are the visitors. we are the animals. they are the tamers."
doing drills...the rifle sling is giving me 'rope burns' on my neck...i just merely shaked my head abit so as to 'push' the sling away from my neck...the guy next to me was fidgeting...leaning on 1 leg...LIKE HELL...what did the ps say? he said :"KENDRICK WHY ARE YOU MOVING! BECAUSE OF HIM! WHOLE LOT OF YOU! KNOCK IT DOWN!" and he yelled down 20 over times to 30...yea...the guy next to me...his fidgeting aint as bad as mine...
but army commanders aint all bad...some lieutenants and ps...they treat us as humans...those are the people that made me feel that apart from close friends in army...there are others who i can confide if i feel unwell...
like ps riduan...despite me falling off the cliff few metres high from the soc course...dropped rifle hard on the floor...not only did he nt punished me...he encouraged me :"nvm! come...let's try again" when i kept on falling...just one advice from me allowed me to complete the entire courage stations w/o much trouble...where the pti will just scold you for being foolish and stupid to fall off the cliff...being an idiot for nt listening to him...being useless and stuff...
during life range...lieutenant melvin...he didnt have a torchlight...he borrowed it from me...DAMN POLITELY...even said thank you when he returned it to me...where can you find such polite commanders in the 'zoo'???
so no matter what happens...i nv want to be a 'man' or a combat soldier in the future...i cao cao also must push my ass into sispec...at least i will just continue being a dog for only a few mths rather than 2 yrs straight...also i wanna be an approachable commander to my recruits or jrs in the future if i could...if they do anything wrong i shall do the punishments with them...i will march with them...run with them...like hw i did back in sec sch as nco...
now back to a levels...even thou my mum always says:"results arent impt" i can tell tt she is quite terribly upset abt my chem...sorry mum...
there was one night in camp...after getting scolded by commanders and duno how coicidentally i got picked by commanders to do guard duty...when i return to bunk and call home...when i talk to my parents...i feel warmth...its like scoldings a few moments ago and then treated as a normal being over the phone...i just cried over the phone...muffled my voice with the blanket trying to hold back those tears...claiming my voice sounds odd cos of the sore throat i got days ago...then there came my bunk mates to my bed side...consoling me...there again i feel tt there is something worth staying in the zoo...my bunk mate felt tt i missed home terribly tt he volunteered to overtake my guard duty w/o my knowing...thanks hsieu hisen....even thou i said no...he still said yes...i dunno what motives he has or am i thinking too much...but i felt grateful for what he has done...
now i just hope that bad luck will stop haunting me...you alr stalked me long enough since 2009...please go...
